All of me

Hey...person who might be reading this...I don't know. this is awkward. I mean I really don't know why I decided to have a blog all of a sudden, but I guess I just wanted to be truly truly myself somewhere. Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything, in fact, I try my best not to be. And I have a truckload of friends and family and all that, but I can't really be myself. As in, there's always a little front I put up, to act more mature, to seem more intelligent, to sound more fun or interesting. Things like that. They all know me...but they don't know all of me. Problem is, I'm around people so much that when I think of myself, and who I am, I don't really exactly know. My sense of self is rather fleeting in that sense, and I'm scared that some day, I might not know who I am at all. I know it sounds deep and sort of wannabe for a fifteen-year-old, but I'm not really trying to be deep. It's just this thing, my primary school teacher said. She always dedicated her friday lesson to talking and debating about things, like animal cruelty (I particularly remember that one, 'cos I'm really passionate about it now). And she said, when you go into secondary school, you should not become robots. Keep the humanity. (or something along those lines) And she's the most inspiring teacher I've had til now, and I'm just scared that I become a robot. What if I end up just going about the motions. Like...

List of tasks to be completed:

#1 Go to a great school.

#2 Get a truckload of friends.

#3 Go to university, a good one. Like Harvard.

#4 Get an awesome job.

#5 Get married.

#6 Kids.

#7 Be an awesome mum.

#8 Die.

Mission incomplete so far.

That just. I can't even look at that without cringing (esp. 'cos of the married thing). There's got to be more. Right? Right??? That's why I sort of want to document my (albeit boring) life as the real me. no parts barred. Then, if I start going about life's motions like a robot, I can come and look at this, and get back to living life like a human. And maybe, some random person somewhere in the world might read this, and there'll be someone else who knows the real me, but isn't near enough to possibly (probably) send me judging looks. 

(I just got what the title should be!)

(ugh. I just reread my post, and it sounds too deep. How do you make things less deep ugh. I seriously cannot and will not sound like an emo teenager trying to be cool)

(Sorry emo teenagers. no offense! I know you have problems and all that, but I don't. Not really. So I don't want to sound like you guys)

(why am I talking like there's millions of people reading this. ugh blogs mess with my mind.)